Well, Let's Start This Again.

I haven't used my blogspot in forever. I kinda feel as if I should.

Well, lately I've been really stressed out with college. I guess most seniors do, but it's more subjective as far as "oh am I going to get in to this really nice college?!" when they shouldn't worry about it. I feel as if far more people worry than who should, I've found it's usually the girls with the high GPA's and extensive sports and clubs that are freaking out when it's not that big of an issue!

However, despite my lack of extracurriculars and sub-par GPA due to lazy underclassmenship, I'm sure I'll get into a fairly decent college. What bothers me most is that I can't see spending so much money to just GET in to a college. Don't get me wrong. Education is seriously one of the most important things in life to me. Hell, I want to be a teacher. But spending 10 grand on taking classes so I can get there? I'm not sure if it's worth it to me right now.

It's not like my family isn't well off. We're much more well-to-do in this economy than most, but I can't justify paying the price for a decent car to go. I know it's one of those facts of life I'm going to have to suck up and deal with it, but it still leaves a bitter taste in my mouth.

KYLE.

I just feel like I need to talk about my brother.

left: Erin, middle: Kyle, right: myself

Sometimes, I feel like he's a high-functioning autistic. I will say that this is not a bad thing. I for one have a very deep rooted connection with children with mental disabilities. Hell, I sit in my school's special education class and talk to them about their days a good deal of the time.

He just acts so different and secluded for society. Let me talk about why.

In third grade, his teacher hated his guts. She thought Kyle was a threat to her classroom, and therefore ostricised him from the class: would not allow him to join in on holiday festivities, gave him copious amounts of work, and treated him so differently from the class that it shakes me to my core. The teacher, again for no real reasons, was going to take him to the principal with his "anger management problems." He was going to be kicked out of school.

Like any sane mother would do at that point, instead of tarnishing Kyle's record and further hindering him from being a functioning member of public schooling and society, she pulled him out of school and began homeschooling him.

This lasts to this day, and he should be a freshman in high school. You see, by pulling him out of school it did the exact thing she did not want to happen. By taking Kyle out to save him from society's harmful ways, she in fact ostricised him by not having people to talk to other than family. This lead to him having an extremely immature and hard to follow demeanor incomprehensible to anyone other than family.

On top of that, it's hard for us to deal with him, since he's fifteen and acts so young. We can tell him to buck up and get over things, stop yelling, but in actuality? I don't think he can help it. And that is so sad.

When asked about why Kyle isn't in school (most of my friends don't even know about him until he comes into our home,) my family responds with him being pulled out due to anger management issues. In actuality, it was because he was bullied by an adult. But no one would believe us if we told them that. Teachers are a pillar of genuine kindness to many.

Erin and I exclude him, I'll admit that. And that makes me feel like the worst person in the world.

When we went to the park to launch his model rockets, he looked so happy. When we lost one of them in the woods, I could tell he was human. Not just the facade of anger and frustration and youth: a human.

Haircuts.

Today, I got a haircut. It's basically how I've been wearing it the last few weeks, I've started parting my hair in the middle which looks nice-r? It looks a bit too mature, so I'm not sure how long it'll stay before I chop it up to some bangs.

Yesterday was my boyfriend's birthday. What I planned on doing for him was ruined by a good friend of ours and my ex, they saw us going on a romantic date to a little cafe nearby and followed us. Not to mention, they decided to sit down and watch us eat, too! It completely ruined the whole experience, but I'm glad I got to be with him for a while. Afterward, he and I drove back to his forest and basically talked the whole time (I swear!) I planned on taking pictures, but I forgot to grab my camera that morning. Next weekend, I definitely will try to hang out with him again and take pictures. We don't have any, and we're both really artistic people, so it's like UM, WE'RE STUPID.

This is the only picture I got of him, it's really bad because we were rushing back to my car barefoot on this semi-muddy path, and I just snatched it really quickly with my cell phone! He's absolutely adorable, though.

sail//AWOLNATION

Finally cleaned my room, getting organized and fixing my GPA.

That, and doing more artwork to get into a nice college :) We're going to SCAD, an art college, this spring break to check out the campus for me! So, I'm really excited.

Fashion, on the other hand, has been set to the side a little bit! I've been so exhausted in the morning to wear "nice things" to school, even if I put them out the night before. Does anyone else have this problem, or is it just me? I'm waiting it out until I get a pair of boots, I feel as if even though I have so many clothes they don't reflect my current style. Last summer I was very girly, all dresses and florals, and before that I was a little edgy scene-ish girl. Now, I'm kindof in the middle, with more of an edgy, yet feminine style, and none of my clothes reflect that! I guess I should wait it out a little bit and I'm sure I'll get inspiration soon.

Today I went to Caribou Coffee with one of my best friends, Nathan. He broke up with his boyfriend yesterday, so we went for coffee to talk and cheer him up. it's good to get out of the house again.

Rabbit Heart.

I haven't been on here in a while, I got incredibly busy with school, homework, etc. And for that, I'm terribly sorry! But, now that I have more free time and I'm getting out and living, I plan on being here more often.

To back up, I feel as if I'm living again. For a while, I've been in an incredible slump, but I woke up, I guess? And now I feel alive. I'm more in tune with nature, everything. And that's a beautiful thing.

Anyways, this weekend I spent time with a good friend of mine and we did a photoshoot! There's a battlefield from the Civil War in her backyard, so we decided to tramp about 3 miles out and just take pictures as we went. The previous pictures are of her, which I absolutely adore. However, these are the outfit that I wore that day!

Scarf: H&M

Anyways, what sounds good to me right now is some Doctor Who, Nutella dipped pretzels, and a good cat nap. I had an incredibly long weekend.